Use this guide when an older relative is struggling at home, after a fall or hospital stay, or when you want to plan ahead. Talk to them first, and have their GP details, a list of their medicines and any worries you have noted.
Step by step
Talk to your relative
Ask what they find hard, what matters to them and what help they would welcome. Respect their right to make their own choices if they are able to. Agree who else in the family should be involved.
Speak to their GP
With their consent, contact their GP about any health changes, memory worries or medicine concerns. The GP can review their health and refer them to other services. If there is a sudden change, such as new confusion, a fall with injury or signs of stroke, call 999 or NHS 111 as appropriate.
Request a needs assessment
Contact the adult social care team at their local council and ask for a needs assessment, which is free. The council will look at what support they need, such as help with personal care, equipment or adaptations. Whether the council contributes to costs depends on their needs and a financial assessment.
Ask for a carer's assessment
If you or another relative provide regular help, ask the council for a carer's assessment. It looks at what support you need to keep caring, such as breaks or information. Tell your own GP that you are a carer as well.
Check money and benefits
Help them check whether they are claiming everything they may be entitled to, such as benefits for people who need help with care. Citizens Advice and older people's charities offer free benefits checks. Check current eligibility rules on GOV.UK rather than relying on old information.
Plan legal arrangements
Encourage them to consider making a lasting power of attorney while they have the mental capacity to do so, so trusted people can help with money or health decisions later. In England and Wales this is registered with the Office of the Public Guardian, and Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own systems. A solicitor or advice service can help, and this is not legal advice.
Ready-to-use checklist
- Relative's wishes discussed
- GP contacted with their consent
- Council needs assessment requested
- Carer's assessment requested for main helpers
- Benefits check done
- Lasting power of attorney considered
- Emergency contacts and medicine list updated
- Family roles agreed
Practical tips
- Keep a shared notebook or note with contacts, appointments and changes you notice, so everyone involved has the same information.
- Ask the council or an occupational therapist about simple equipment such as grab rails, which can make home safer.
- Look after your own health too, and use carers' support services before you reach breaking point.
Common problems
My relative refuses any help.
Keep talking and start with small, practical help they are comfortable with, rather than a big change. Involve someone they trust, such as their GP or a friend. If you are worried they are at serious risk, contact the council's adult social care team for advice.
The council assessment is taking a long time.
Contact the adult social care team to check progress and tell them if the situation has got worse. Keep a record of calls and names. If you are unhappy with how it is handled, use the council's complaints process and then the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman.
The GP will not discuss my relative's health with me.
GPs need the patient's consent to share information. Ask your relative to tell the practice in writing that they can speak to you. You can still pass on your concerns to the GP even without consent.