Use this guide if your child tells you they are being bullied, in person or online, or you notice worrying changes in them. Have a notebook or phone notes ready and a quiet time to talk without rushing.
Step by step
Notice the signs
Look for changes such as not wanting to go to school, lost or damaged belongings, trouble sleeping, withdrawing from friends or being upset after using their phone. These signs do not always mean bullying, but they are worth a gentle conversation. If you think your child is in immediate danger, call 999.
Listen without overreacting
Find a calm moment, such as a car journey or a walk, and ask open questions. Thank them for telling you and reassure them it is not their fault. Avoid promising to keep everything secret, and agree together what happens next.
Keep a record
Write down what happened, when, where and who was involved, in your child's words where possible. Take screenshots of any online messages, including dates and usernames, before anything is deleted. Keep all notes in one place.
Contact the school
Ask to speak to the class teacher, head of year or pastoral lead, and bring your notes. Ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy, as all schools must have one, and agree what action will be taken and when you will hear back. Follow up the meeting with a short email summarising what was agreed.
Deal with online bullying
Help your child block and report the accounts involved using the app's reporting tools. Do not reply to the bully or post about them. If there are threats, intimate images or hate-related abuse, report it to the police.
Keep checking in and escalate if needed
Check in with your child regularly and notice whether things improve. If the school does not act, use its complaints procedure and then contact the governors or academy trust. If your child seems very low or talks about harming themselves, contact your GP or NHS 111, and in an emergency call 999.
Ready-to-use checklist
- Calm conversation held
- Dates and incidents recorded
- Screenshots saved
- School anti-bullying policy requested
- Meeting with school held
- Follow-up email sent
- Online accounts blocked and reported
- Regular check-ins planned
Practical tips
- Children can talk confidentially to Childline, and knowing this can help them feel less alone.
- Build up activities outside school where your child feels confident and has other friends.
- Stay calm in meetings with the school, as a co-operative tone usually gets faster action.
Common problems
My child begs me not to tell the school.
Explain that the school needs to know to keep them safe, and involve them in deciding how it is raised. Ask the school to handle it discreetly so your child is not singled out.
The school says it has dealt with it but the bullying continues.
Record each new incident and ask for a meeting to review what has been done. If there is still no progress, make a formal complaint using the school's complaints procedure.
The bullying is happening online outside school hours.
Save evidence, block and report the accounts, and still tell the school, as many schools act on bullying between pupils wherever it happens. Report threats or illegal content to the police.
This guide gives general information, not personal legal, financial or medical advice. Rules and prices change, so check the current position with the official service before acting.
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