Family & Relationships guide

Tell your children you are separating

Plan what to say to your children about a separation, together if possible, answer their questions honestly for their age and support them in the weeks after.

Estimated time: 1–2 hours to plan, plus the conversationUpdated: 1 October 2026

Use this guide once a decision to separate has been made and before children hear it from someone else or notice big changes. Ideally both parents plan it together; if that is not safe or possible, you can still use these steps on your own.

Step by step

  1. Agree the key message and practical details first

    Before telling the children, agree between you a simple, shared explanation that does not blame either parent, such as: we have decided we will be happier living in separate homes, and this is a grown-up decision. Work out the answers to practical questions they will ask: where they will live, when they will see each parent, whether they will change school and what happens to pets. If some things are not decided yet, agree to say so honestly.

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